The other ‘stuff’

My experience has found people offer help but more often than not, find the idea of helping someone with depression or anxiety makes them very uncomfortable.  But when I tell them I have lung disease, also something you can’t “see” they want all the details.

I’m not suggesting anyone with mental health issues need unsolicited advice. It’s the lack of understanding. It’s the stigma still attached to any mental disorder that leaves me, at least, resistant to talk about … I’m embarrassed and ashamed of it.

No matter how often of my psychologist tries over and over to get me to accept the fact that mental illness is as real & debilitating as a physical illness, I’m still a work in progress. I mean, I get it … Just wish I didn’t have it.

But I am so done with the judgements and criticisms, which by the way makes me feel worse about myself. I am at a point where I can honestly say, sorry … didn’t ask for your advice & I don’t want it, thanks anyway !


Get Your Groove On !

My psychologist has been working with me to try and help me deal with my phobic anxieties. One that has been difficult has been my anxiety of showers. I know there is a complicated issue behind it, but having the “why” just feeds the anxiety.

So to encourage myself to shower everyday & get past this, I created a playlist of very upbeat tunes and find myself lost in the music, not in my fear. To try to enjoy the experience rather than be fearful of it.  And crazy enough, it’s working !

“Different music genres can make or break your mood, we all know this. Music is important for regulating our emotional state, can impact our focus and has an effect on the overall way we feel. Music has been used for centuries to change energy levels, improve mood and even to help people who are ill or suffering from emotional trauma to heal.”

“According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, people can successfully improve their moods and boost their overall happiness in just two weeks, simply by listening to specific mood-boosting music. Researchers from McGill University … the response to music comes from the chemical dopamine. Correlating increased levels of dopamine in the brain to corresponding music proves that humans obtain pleasure from listening to music… find the types of music genres that get you feeling great … Now go get your groove on!”

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“Hello, It’s me”

I read this today on and it really hit home for me. I don’t know this will resonate with you, if you similar people in your life. I get a lot of unsolicited advice that some I keep & others I disregard. But there are a number of people I find it extremely hard not to speak up to, and the odd time that I do, the response is very negative. Sometimes I don’t hear from them for months. I found this post today so familiar I have to share.

“…there is an African saying that warns, “Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”

The saying
 is essentially warning us not to accept people trying to give us what they do not have for themselves. More specifically, it might be telling us not to accept love from people who clearly do not love themselves.

On the list of toxic people with a questionable ability to love and could be present in your life, the “naked” are likely the retrogressive among us. A retrogressive person tends to distort your progress and tries to manipulate you backwards or keep you stagnant, wanting you to continue to be the same person you are.

Life is easier for some people if those around them don’t change and grow. It means they don’t have to do the same… they don’t have to grow either. And some times, some people really need to always feel that they are higher than you and their sense of purpose comes when they believe they have all of your answers.

What’s difficult is the retrogressive is usually someone who does have influence on you, someone you do believe cares for you and it’s not necessarily that this person knows decidedly that they are holding you back. The person may present as very well-intentioned and you may both genuinely believe so, but in the end the retrogressive usually needs reminding that choices in your life are yours to make.

Being able to speak your mind, your heart and your truth and knowing you won’t be judged but will instead receive emotional support is the basis of trust. And trust is what we rely on most in a relationship that is loving. Trusted advice comes about when someone has had a common experience as you and when asked, will share with you in an emotional way what worked for them and what didn’t. But advice that is not asked for and includes “you should” statements is generally unsolicited and a sure way to slow conversation down to a trickle. It also risks driving people away.”

It’s better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else’s perfectly. -Elizabeth Gilbert

She continues a little further …

“My relationship pattern has usually been to think I must be wrong, or that my feelings don’t matter, or to give excuses (and forgiveness) to the person for their bad behaviour without expressing my hurt or to simply avoid the conflict of confrontation and try to believe things will be better moving forward.

The reality is I’ve taught people how to treat me and I’ve been learning it’s a hard, and often lonely, road to take to change these patterns.”

Title – Adele

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