Well, I have decided to tackle the issue of pooping. Yes, poop. I said it. While my chronic illness affects lungs, the medicine I take to help control the inflammation really does a “number” on my gastrointestinal system. It has a serious impact on my day to day life, what I can do, where I can go. Imodium is one of my best friends. She comes with me everywhere. I have decided to name my next pet Imodium so I can say, do you mind if I bring Imodium with me ?
I do not have regular solid poops. I have had loose poops for many years now. Usually 5 or 6 per day. And that’s a good day. On the odd occasion the when the heavens open, shine down upon me & angels are singing, I have the odd regular poop. That event is celebrated in our house like a toddler pooping on the potty for the first time. I loudly announce it to my family, text my closest friends and a semi-party insues. I get a few TMI responses, but that’s ok. It IS something to be celebrated whether it’s personal or not. Again, one of the lovely side effects of having a chronic illness.
My inability to control how & when it comes can be frustrating and very embarrassing. I have said no to many invitations because this problem has cropped up and I just can’t leave the house. So do I honestly tell them the issue or use a little white lie ? Well, I lie of course ! I am too proud to tell someone I can go to your house for dinner tonight because I might poop my pants before I get there. Imodium works well but not always.
It has literally happened that I have not made it to the toilet in time. The emotional response to this is a strong one. What the hell is wrong with me ? How does my husband & kids even want to be near me ? I am so gross. I berate myself in such a way that I have crawled into bed and stayed there for days. I am beyond mortified with myself and beat myself up pretty badly when really, it’s not me. It’s a physical response to the heavy medication that my body has had to put up with for years. My therapist has finally convinced me I am none of those things and I tell myself to accept this like any other side effect. It’s still hard though.
Speaking of hard, I had a recent stay at the hospital, where due to the stress of the situation, I actually had a reprieve of my loose BM’s for FIVE days. I didn’t go once. I have to say, it was a nice change until I got home and decompressed. When I finally felt the urge, my God, I felt like I was in labour ! I was baffled by this change of events. How do people handle constipation ? It was so painful and exhausting. And this happened a few times until my loose ones came back. I really couldn’t tell you which is worse.
I know many people who can relate who have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). You don’t know when and how awful it’s going to be and it’s always in the back of your mind. Where is the closest toilet ? Who will I be with today ? Will they understand or think I am the rudest person in the world? But I will say, constipation is pretty damn bad too. The worry, will I ever poop again ? The bloating, the cramps, the pain of having a BM pass. The time it actually takes for the whole thing to occur only to realize nothing is happening. Either way, poop issues affect our quality of life.
I know this is not the most glamorous subject to write about, but let’s face it, chronic illness or not, we have all had pooping problems of a sort at some time in our life. I remember watching an Oprah episode that said the shape of our poop indicates our health. If that’s the case, I can be spontaneous, hurried, explosive, a fireball and hurtful at times.
So there is my scoop on poop. Please have a healthy poop today !